AGITA [aj-i-tuh] n. That feeling of agitation or anxiety can hit the pit of your stomach as quickly as food poisoning. And, that’s what it is. An unhealthy infection or virus. It will linger for days, months, or even years. This feeling came to me after the loss of an emotional state or attachment.
The law of human attraction works in two ways: 1. There are traits within you that are like magnets, which draw others to you or move them away. 2. The ideas of people try to profoundly influence and introduce you to new habits, new behaviors, and new characteristics.
When the heart opens, it can sometimes take control of your life. Meaning, you allow it to think for you instead of what the mind knows to be fact and reality. My mom used to always say, “think with your mind and not your heart.” I get it now. A great thinker once wrote, “the heart above all is very deceitful.” How true are these words?
Years ago, my life underwent tumultuous changes with people. I couldn’t grasp how to handle a loss. When a friendship ended from acts of betrayal, jealousy, death or deceit, I’d cry my eyes out. Can you identify with hanging out, lots of laughter, sharing secrets, going shopping, etc. with a buddy? But, learned somewhere along the way there was a breach of trust. I remember experiencing stomach pains. Deep, sharply-cutting sensations filled my stomach for days. These feelings took my appetite. They consumed my mind, thoughts and entire being. (I know this wasn’t healthy). I did not know or understand HOW to cope with such losses. The lack in my life was having a true friend. It became difficult to trust people because of my experience of losses every two to three years. Seriously. I recall seasons where I’d meet new people, interact, develop bonds and two to three years later, what once was was null and void.
One thing about life is that it sets patterns. People show you patterns. They are either consistent or inconsistently consistent. And, when you’re searching for real, true, genuine folk coupled with your experience, you begin to notice the patterns. You become sensitive. Your senses are alert. Different behaviors set off triggers. It feels something like your discerning ability is sharpening and growing keener. It awakens you.
Some can move on quickly.
Others NEVER allow themselves to open.
Some internalize and suppress it.
Others act like it never happened.
We process pain differently, and for various lengths of time. What works BEST for me are the following:
1. Consistent Prayer with Scriptures
2. Tears – Cry when and as needed. Never let anyone tell you not to. Crying is a cleansing process.
3. Consistent Talks with ONE person—NOT MANY. (Be sure to tell both sides. Healing cannot begin with only discussing the offenses. You MUST evaluate yourself and your actions as well).
4. Work More Hours – This band-aid takes my mind off of it
5. Going Out to fun places -Laughter is medicine to the soul.
6. Acknowledging some of YOUR faults. (It’s NOT 100% the other person).
7. Get Closure with guidance from someone trained. (A tricky request. Sometimes closure comes with accepting reality, moving on, and letting go in time).
8. Processing the facts to not over-think the experiences.
9. Reading and researching information about the experience.
10. If time and space permits, holding a final conversation with the other, where we converse and find common ground for closure non-defensively. (If you’re ready to talk peacefully and the other isn’t, then it is wise to not pursue).
I now handle my anxieties maturely. Not that I was immature before, I just had no clue or understanding as to how to process and accept a loss.
This experience is the case for most. Most people simply don’t know.