4 Easy Ways For Communicating Pain


Struggles often push us in secluded places. We’d rather keep areas of weakness to ourselves partly because it’s difficult to trust and we don’t want to appear bothersome to others. What we internalize only leads to ruptures and doesn’t help loved ones understand what to do for us.

Do you know internalizations weaken dendrites? Dendrites are the conduits that send messages to the neuron cell body in the brain. Dendrites grow each time you learn something new. For example, I play the piano for various ministries. Each time I learn a new chord and play it repeatedly, a dendrite grows and becomes stronger. It remains there and gets stored in my memory. Conversely, a terrible experience can weaken what was once strong. Take for instance a seasoned organist in the audience listens to my chord progressions. I decide to play the new chord. He walks up to me to say, “Oh no! That chord doesn’t fit there! It sounds horrible!” I feel embarrassed instantly and demoralized. My confidence shifts from high to low. I no longer played that instrument for two years. I allowed other musicians to play. And, some Sunday’s had no music. Remaining at bay was not the best idea. When I returned to play the keys, I had difficulty remembering what I once knew. Some pains are powerful enough to erase beautiful gifts.

It is easier to hold on inwardly. Exposing the tensions are challenging. Some people unconsciously behave this way. And, have no clue how they arrived at this state of mind. Many behaviors associate with backgrounds, upbringing, and worldviews. Reactions, albeit positive or negative, stem from the thought process. If an individual did not adequately learn many ways to communicate his or her heart sentiments, the person either retreats or lashes out (per se) due to inner turmoils.

Pain is real. It is what you feel from the offenses of others’. Pain is when you feel your feelings are hurt. Pain is when you feel a great loss. Pain is when life hits hard like a ton of weights. But, in what ways does one communicate his or her hurt when fear grips as paralysis?

1. Write a letter or email. Yes, I know it is old school, traditional, but it still has value. Listen. Before the new rise of the internet, the pencil, paper, envelope, and stamp helped in many ways. Write. It does not need to sound cute or be grammatically correct. The point is this. You have feelings to express without interruptions. Trust me. The recipient will read your words from beginning to end. This letter also puts him or her in the position to gently approach you for the needed talk. It also helps the other to understand you better. Keep in mind; writing is sometimes ambiguous.Therefore, a follow-up conversation is mandatory.

2. Send a text message. Let’s be extremely cautious with this. I understand texting is the new communicator. But, language gets lost, which can yield adverse effects. I suggest only to use texting to inform the other person that an email is waiting or setting aside a particular time to listen to your thoughts. Many misunderstandings arise from texting. Sadly, some folk argues in a text. Not good. This animosity adds to your anxiety and pain.

3. Seek Counsel. Some people are anti-therapy. Pride allows them to feel and believe that “sitting on a couch” is not best. There is safety in the multitude of (safe) counsel. I added safe purposely. Feeling safe is key. You must feel and sense areas of trust and security. Without these blankets, you are vulnerable to more emotional and mental stresses. Be sure to seek counsel that offers coping skills, progression advice, and helps you understand the core of your discomfort.

4. Affirmation. Surround yourself with an abundance of love. Dismissing any presence of toxicity is imperative. Remember, you are vulnerable. Affirmations will help heal the pain. It also makes it lighter to talk during those moments that surge of hurt returns.
Affirmations are compelling communicators. They release in forms of verbal and physical affection, praise, and validation.

Surrounding yourself with the right support system at all times will eventually make communication a lot easier. Communication is an essential part of life. And, we talk most often with non-verbals. Some people are rightly sensitive to presence and body language.  Talking about your pain helps them to understand your non-verbals. If you desire a healthy relationship with [your] self and others, communicating must be priority.

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